b e n j a m i n f a l k e n b e r g

Sent to me recently; no idea where it’s from, but it’s pretty funny, so I thought I’d share.

Most don’t actually apply to Benjamin (yet?), but some do. Enjoy!

If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be removed.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest.
It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy’s hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn’t stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a car seat, it must be protested with arched back.
If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.

We were in Minnesota over the weekend for Amanda’s graduation gathering (congrats again, Amanda!), and we realized while we were there that it would be a perfect time to announce the sex of Benjamin’s soon-to-be-sibling to Stacey’s Dad’s side of the family, in person. We really only get to see that side of the family once or twice a year, so this was a great chance for us.

Benjamin will be an older brother to a younger brother. In other words, we’re expecting a boy! (Coming in September!)

So if you didn’t know already, now you do. ;)

Since we were camping the rest of the weekend, and Stacey’s Mom’s parents were there, too, we were also able to tell them in person. This past weekend turned into great timing all around for us.

We don’t have a name picked out yet. Figuring out Benjamin’s name took us a very long time, and this new baby’s name will be no different, we suspect, but we do have a couple of early ideas…

Thanks for bearing with us with this website lately, too. We have a bunch of stuff to add, but it’s been a very busy spring/early summer so far. Bottom line: Benjamin’s doing great!

Hi Mama!

I love you every day!

I light up with all the brightness and cheer that could ever exist, every time you come home. I feel like the whole world revolves around me when you’re there, and I love all that you do for me, and for Dada.

Dada was talking about how you have a special day coming, so I thought I would have Dada help me write something since most pencils are both too big and too yummy for me to write all by myself. I also don’t know how to spell just yet.

First, Dada and I are amazed, every day, by all the love that you have to give. I know that you work very hard, and still have time for me, taking care of me, feeding me, and loving me. Dada seems to get a lot of love and attention, and he seems to really look forward to it and love it, too. We both are so excited to see you when you come home every day! Even when you look very, very tired, you have time for us and try to keep us happy!

Mama, thank you for trusting me to climb and run and play and read books and magazines.

Thank you for letting me fall and encouraging me to get right back up.

Thank you for the baths you give me.

Thank you for feeding me and tucking me in at night, reading to me, hugging me, tickling me, talking with me, teaching me love and respect, words, pictures, showing me airplanes and animals, and laughing both with and at me.

Thank you for all the different kinds of food and drink you give me to try!

Thank you for trimming my fingernails and toenails. Those things grow SO FAST!

Thank you for all the clothes and toys you buy me.

Thank you for singing and dancing with me!

And thank you so VERY much for changing my stinky diapers!

Thank you for all of the other stuff I can’t think of right now because I’m just a bab…well, TODDLER now, too!

Dada tells me almost every day now that you have another baby in your belly. I don’t know if I believe him, because I look under your shirt almost every day and I just can’t find it under there ANYWHERE! But, assuming Dada is right, it seems really hard to believe that you could have more love than what you already give Dada and me. Dada has said that he knows you do, so I know you can and will!

I know I will be a great person someday because of you, Mama. Dada says he is a better person because of you, too. We love you and need you and can’t ever imagine living without you.

Have a great Mama Day!

:)

-Benjamin (Dada helped!)

PS: Dad here… I agree 100% with our brilliant son. ;)